Wednesday, September 30, 2009

7 Weeks Old, and Counting...

At this very moment, I am sitting in the waiting room outside NICU, hoping they will let me see Jackman, even though visiting hours don't start again till 5:00pm. He just got out of surgery. They did another endoscopy to see how much more his esophagus had grown. You may remember last time it had grown almost 4 centimeters in 3 weeks, which was amazing to the surgeon.

Well, It's all I can do to keep from crying right now. I just found out there has been virtually no growth at all since then. I had to call Lisa at work and tell her. I'm sure she had to take a break after getting that news. We just new it was going to be time to have the surgery and get home. The surgeon even told me that due to the growth last time that he expected to be able to tell me they would be doing surgery soon, and even he seemed disappointed with the results.

Bottom line; we just got another month or better at Children's Hospital.

There are no words to express how disappointed I am right now. I honestly never thought for one second that we would get this report. We saw Jackman's charted growth, and it has been amazing over the past couple of weeks. I just assumed his esophagus was growing as fast as the rest of him.

Like I said, I had to call Lisa and break the news to her. It took me about thirty minutes to figure out what I would say so that I wouldn't make her start crying at work, and I really doubt that it mattered. I told her God has got something planned, and everything is right on schedule according to Him, even if we can't see it now, and then I remembered something that happened a couple of days ago.

I was planning on meeting Lisa at Chic-fil-a on 119 right after she got off work. We were going to get a bite to eat and run on up to the hospital. I got to Chic-fil-a and waited a few minutes, and then got a call from Lisa... she was running late and wanted me to come meet her at work. Keep in mind that we are both already aggravated and stressed because she just started back to work, and our lives have been shaken up again. I went and got her, and I was getting hungry, but I wasn't backtracking to Chic-fil-a, so we headed up the road. A few miles later we came up on a bad wreck involving about six or so cars. It had just happened. Some of the people were still in their cars. This wasn't a fender bender, it was a collision.

We were almost in it... just a minute or so late. It turns out, if Lisa had met me at Chic-fil-a, we would have been stuck in terrible traffic, and lost all our visiting time with Jackman. But instead, that minor inconvenience and little setback saved us time, aggravation, and high blood pressure on down the road. We were in just the right spot to see that we could have been involved, and yet, get on past it to see our boy.

I'm trying to live, realizing God has it all planned out just right, and knowing that I am not able to see the other side of it yet. Just because we didn't get the immediate results we wanted doesn't mean that God didn't either. Just this morning, when I prayed I gave Jackman to the Lord again, and my prayer was simply that I trust Him completely. I still do. I'm not pretending to be all happy about this part of it, but I know there's more to it than I can see, and I really do trust Him... so we will wait.
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  1. Dear Harpers,
    I continue to lift you all in prayer, and know the heart-ache of unrealized dreams and expectations...of feeling that however low you set your expectations, they are somehow never low enough to meet where you live. And I know that God is sufficient in such exhausting times. One day, you will say, "Wow- look what God did in us, to us, through us then!" But right now, it is OK to be frustrated, disappointed and tired. God will meet you there. And many of your brothers and sisters in the lord are walking there with you- even some of us who don't know you personally!
    In Him,
    Chris Finnegan in NM
    I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which he is to be praised,
    according to all the LORD has done for us—
    yes, the many good things he has done for the house of Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses.

    He said, "Surely they are my people, sons who will not be false to me"; and so he became their Savior.

    In all their distress he too was distressed,
    and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

    ~Isaiah 63:7-9

  2. My heart goes out to you and Lisa. I so enjoyed my visit w/Jackman this morning. I really admire the way you and Lisa handle things and your faith. I know God has all three of you in his care.

  3. Our hearts are hurting for you guys. We want Jackman home with you SO badly. We are also so ready to love all over him ourselves! He is a beautiful baby, with a crazy cute belly! Tell him we love him so much!