Hair...

hair - 1 a : a slender threadlike outgrowth of the epidermis of an animal; especially : one of the usually pigmented filaments that form the characteristic coat of a mammal b : the hairy covering of an animal or a body part; especially : the coating of hairs on a human head

The picture above is not a coconut, it is God's view of my boy (well, if he was already walking it would be, but you get it).

Hair is a big deal. You may think it's silly, but it reveals something about you to others. It's obviously important; God made it. The word is used in it's various forms 83 times in the Bible. That may not sound like much in a book that contains nearly a million words, but then again, the book isn't about hair.

I myself have been conducting a social experiment on hair for the past 15 months or so. That's how long it's been since I cut mine. Results are pending, but I have definitely noticed that many people, but not all, view me differently. And especially new people I meet have a different assumption of who I am than the ones did back when it was high and tight in June '08.

Well, everything about my boy is important to me, even his hair. According to the Bible the very hairs of his head are numbered and not a single one falls out without God's knowing about it. So now the survey on the boy's hair may not seem so silly now, even though it's for fun.

When Jackman was born, I was a little nervous at first. I knew he would have a head full of dark hair, but his back and shoulders were covered with peach fuzz, and the first thing I thought of was the story of Esau. Weird how that works out; The name Jackman is a derivative of the name Jacob, the twin brother of Esau - the hairy one. Maybe he won't end up looking like he's wearing a sweater to the swimming pool when he's older.

Anyway, I just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on the hair. The nurses in NICU have gone wild over his hair; they love it. As you can see by the poll, there are three main categories of "Jackman hair": The Little Business Man, The Frizzy Chimp, and The Mohawk. Let me explain.

The Little Business man - goes without saying. All business. A nice neat little part that only needs a little suit and tie to seal the deal. This hair projects a sense of responsibility , decisiveness, and drive, and says "nothing personal, just business".

The Frizzy Chimp - Otherwise known as baby bed head, the adult version would most likely be seen on college students that come in the door last, or the guy who bring you your pizza. This hair projects a sense of blissful ignorance to all time restraints, and a carefree attitude towards just about everything. The Frizzy Chimp says "huh? yeah, whatever man, I'm coming, chill".

The Mohawk - most recently rocked by Hunter Lovett, the Mohawk exudes confidence, strength, and vitality. When the Little Business Men and Frizzy Chimps of this world see the Mohawk coming, they freeze in humble adoration and awe of the intimidating crest of hair that is rivaled only by the mane of a strutting Lion on the plains of Africa. It is truly a sight to BEHOLD! It says "Here I am".

I have an idea of my boy's personality already, but we're still getting to know each other. I'm looking forward to seeing who my boy will grow into. I give him to God everyday to make out of him what He wants, and for His pleasure. I know God is going to use him in an amazing way for Himself, not sure how that will look, but as long as God is happy with Jackman, that's all I ask for. I hope he says to God "Here I am".

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

One of our favorites.

Another favorite.

That's the real deal. Rock 'n Rolla.

All bundled up.

All sprawled out (22 ins.) rockin the mohawk.

I finally got a smile on camera...not easy.

Still can't believe I'm a daddy.

Jackman Dale and Trussel Dale (photo by Gregory Dale)

Too much Harper for one place?

I love this one. That's my boy.

Sorry, We're Closed...

I would have to say that last night (Tues.) I was as disappointed as I've ever been before.

The day started off okay. I went to the doc and made sure I didn't have any kind of flu because they are really cracking down on the visitors at Children's (and I'm thankful for that). Me and Lisa took my Ma to the doctor in Birmingham, and went to see Jackman during her visit. When visiting time was up we left, went and picked Ma up just as she got finished, and came home. We planned to rest for an hour or so and go back up to the hospital.

I was really worn out, and I said to Lisa "I wish we didn't have to drive back up there. I want to be there, I just don't want to make the trip." That was the first time I ever complained about driving back and forth to Children's Hospital after over 30 trips.

I was a little irritable because I didn't feel good. Traffic never helps, so I was grumbling a little more than usual, but I was getting in a better mood because we were about to see our boy.

Well, when we finally made it to NICU at Children's, they were closed. Visiting hours were suspended because one of the babies was having a procedure done. Our nurse came to the door and told us about it. We were relieved to hear that it wasn't Jackman being worked on, but when the door closed and it sank in that we weren't going to get to see him, and hold him, and talk to him that night, it took all the wind out of my sails. I really could have started crying right there.

Lisa could tell it upset me. More often than not, I would be the one consoling her, and helping her see the bright side, but last night wasn't one of those times. She did that for me, and I really needed it. I was ready to throw a pity party, and I was feeling rotten for having complained about making the drive that night, but she kept me from going down that road. She said something like "Now we don't have a choice. We'll have to slow down and get some rest." By the time we got home we decided to just sit in the big chair together and watch a movie. I think we both needed that.

I learned a little lesson about complaining, and hopefully it will tide me over for a while. I'm a natural at complaining, and anyone who knows the Harper's knows what I'm talking about. Most Harper's are by nature experts in the field of complaining (and some of my family may even be complaining now about me pointing that out, and even about the fact that I pointed it out that I pointed it out...get it). So it goes without saying that in the area of NOT complaining, I've got quite a hill to climb. I can see this is a lesson I will be taking remedial classes in for life, but I'm always improving.

The trick is to take the time to compare the problem to something that actually matters. For instance: I complained about the drive last night, but compared to not getting to see my boy it's nothing. I would gladly drive twice as far with that in mind. Or for another example, we tend to hear complaining within the church about trivial matters that have nothing to do with a soul's final destination, when just a couple months back I was attending a church service in a hut in the Amazon jungle, 100 degrees in the shade, and everyone had to walk forever through the steamy jungle to get there. (and they weren't complaining).

If anyone ever had the right to complain, it would have been Jesus. He put up with a lot, and that is the understatement of understatements. I just wish I could always remember that when I'm ready to start complaining .

One thing I have noticed, it feels good at first...when you begin to complain. The problem is you want more and more to satisfy yourself. It's like eating at Subway; it doesn't hold you over for no time at all and you need more. It is unlike Subway in that it is always easy and convenient to do (sorry Subway fans, you know it's true).

The best thing (and consequently the hardest thing) to do is give thanks for something instead of complaining. I have a few migraine headaches a year, and they are literally the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Nothing fixes them, I just have to wait (2 days one time). They completely incapacitate me. The only thing that gives me any relief or peace, and the thing I always do now when I get one, is to start giving God thanks for all he's done for me, beginning with my health.

...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) I didn't make that up, check and see.

Well anyway, that's what I'm trying to do. Today has been a really good day for complaining, and I have messed up a few times, but I can see that, and I'm giving thanks in all circumstances. I had to be grateful last night our son was okay; how could I not be? God has been too good to all of us to walk around complaining all the time.

The Green Armband Society...

There's an unseen group of people out there I never knew existed until 14 days ago. It is a pretty exclusive club, with members from all over the country... we even know of some from Canada. The only way you can pick them out is by their green armbands. It's the parents of kids staying in Children's Hospital for treatment.

It's a little strange, but kind of comfortable at the same time. We're all people who normally wouldn't make eye contact with each other on the street. We all look different, and we are from different tax brackets. The only thing (that we know of) that we have in common is the green armband... which represents a child who isn't at home like all the other ones.

When we see each other, we talk like friends. We ask about each other's kids. I'm sure we sound like inmates with all the "what are you in for" and "when are you getting out". It's been nice though; we've met some really nice people.

There's one couple we talk to regularly because our babies are "neighbors". Their baby had a similar condition to Jackman's, and a few other issues too. They've been there for weeks, and the baby keeps having setbacks. They are supposed to start working their way out of the hospital, but it's just one thing after another for them. It makes us so happy and thankful that Jackman is as healthy as he is.

Jackman is in a big room, with several baby bays (for lack of a better term). There are at least 10 on our side of the NICU. If a baby's heart rate, breaths per minute, or oxygen level goes down too far, and alarm goes off. Tonight while we were there, I think every other baby's alarm went off except Jackman's. Some times it may be a fluke, but you can tell that some of the baby's aren't in real good shape. One baby's alarm goes off all the time, almost nonstop. It is heartbreaking to see some of them. I never knew babies could be that small.

I'll frequently say a silent prayer when I walk through the NICU. Sometimes I say one for the babies, sometimes for the parents, sometimes for the nurses and surgeons (who I now put on a pedestal with our troops). Sometimes I say one while I'm holding Jackman, or looking at him. Sometimes (like now) I say one when I think about him and the other babies up there.

It may sound funny, but me and Lisa feel like our situation is too good to be true. Jackman truly looks good and healthy, because he is, and everyone who got to see him (before the NICU was closed to visitors becuase of flu) will confirm it. That's just not the case with all the babies there, and I know some of those parents worry to death, because we are inclined to worry for them.

Every time I see Jackman, it does my heart good. I can't help but be thankful. We sleep easy at night. We aren't always frantically rushing to the hospital. It's not that we are indifferent... not at all. We have peace. I wouldn't doubt that it has something to do with the prayers offered up for us.

I've got an idea. Next time you pray for us, or as soon as you finish reading this, or anytime God moves you... pray for the folks wearing the green armbands and their little ones. They need it.

...pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.

1 Thessalonians 5:17-19

Not Enough Time in the Day...

12 days. That's how long Jackman has been in the open air. 13 days ago, he was in his mother's womb. All it took to shake up both of our lives to their very foundation was for him to relocate to a more arid climate. I think I'm still in shock.

I've learned lots of lessons over the past 12 days; about life, love, and faith. Looking back, they are lessons I would have never learned any other way except through experience, and I am thankful for them. But there's one lesson that I feel like I'm still trying to figure out, and that's the whole time issue.

Now, most of my close friends who are reading this are probably laughing pretty hard right about now. One friend even said (before Jackman was born) that he couldn't wait to see the look of submission and resignation on my face two weeks in (and I thought he was being funny).

Everybody said our lives were never going to be the same. It's not that I didn't believe them, but how can you really know until you are living it. It's like this: If someone were to say to me "I am about to stomp on your foot as hard as I can", well I would know that it was about to hurt. I may even tense up and close my eyes in anticipation. But until I actually have the experience of having my foot stomped on, there's no way I could know what it would be like.

Well, since the day Jackman was born, things have been dramatically different, and in ways none of us ever imagined. We (meaning everybody) thought you just go to the hospital, come back home two days later with a baby, and spend who knows how long changing diapers and not sleeping. I felt like I was prepared for that scenario, and I was going to surprise everyone...guess who got surprised.

I've already been to Children's hospital over 20 times. All my plans, all my hobbies, and even a large portion of things I would consider necessities (which are not necessities anywhere else in the world besides the U.S.) are out the window. I think I actually uttered that ridiculous cliche, there's not enough time in the day.

Cliches are fun, but I have found that most of them don't jive with what the bible teaches. The cliche in question is a good example. There are more verses on the creation of time, the Fourth Day, than the rest of Creation. Don't believe me...check it for yourself.

That's enough for me to know that the length of a day is just right; so why does it seem like there isn't enough time in the day? Well, ironically, we are in too much of a hurry to finish the cliche truthfully. What we should be saying is: There's not enough time in the day to do what I want to do.

I'm learning that a good day isn't measured by how many things I accomplish to make myself happy. I've noticed that there have been a few days where I felt like I really did the things God wanted me to do, and I was at peace and able to sleep that night without worrying about the me-things I didn't get done. On the other hand, if I accomplished all my me-things and failed to do something that God set out for me to do, then I would have a very short lived and unsatisfying sense of accomplishment, accompanied by a condition that could only be called weariness.

The more I look at it, the more I realize God has given us the perfect amount of time in a day to suit us and Him. If there's not enough time, it's not God's fault. Example: Say my boss gives me 3 hours to build a space shuttle, but I spend 2 of those hours shopping for the perfect space suit. I'm the one who tried to cram too much into the schedule, not the boss. When it's all over, He ain't going to be happy, which means I ain't going to be happy.

God does not put us into any situation with a time handicap. He created time. Keep in mind, He even created a day for rest and made it holy. It's simply a matter of using His to-do list instead of our own.

I have just as much time as I ever did...just enough.

This Just About Sums It Up.....

I was walking into Children's Hospital today, and checking my emails as I walked. I had one from my cousin so I was curious to see what it was about. About two minutes later it was all I could do to keep my composure...but let me back up a little.

Yesterday, at the end of my blog I mentioned that I believe God made my son exactly like He planned, and that his condition wasn't really a birth "defect". It might help to back up and read that if you haven't.

Well, my cousin reminded me of the story of Jesus healing the blind man in John 9. When I read what she wrote, it was one of those moments when you know that God is talking to you.

Here's how the passage begins:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Whoa! How could I have not thought of this story? How on earth did this passage not come to mind. This just about sums it up.

While Lisa was pregnant (even up to almost a year before), I prayed about who my child would be. I didn't ask for a boy or girl, I didn't ask for him to be smart, I didn't ask for him to be athletic, or talented in anyway. All I asked for, over and over, was that God would use him to bring glory to Himself.

We rarely consider the implications of our prayers. We tend to pray with preconceived notions in our heads about how God will do something (or at least I do...I'll admit it). I have to be honest, I knew God would use our son, but I never considered it would be like this for one second. I kind of thought he would just make a great man of faith out of him or something. I can't believe how small my expectations of God can be sometimes.

Well, me and Lisa never did ask the question: Why? Don't get me wrong, we were scared to death, and I mean terrified Wednesday afternoon, August 12, 2009, but even then, the knowledge that God is in control of all things kept us from completely falling apart. But now we have a definite answer to the question: Why did God let our son be born this way? The answer: "that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I don't exactly know for sure what that is going to look like, but I'll always have my preconceived notions, and the knowledge those notions pale in comparison to the plans of Him who can raise the dead.

The "One Week Old" Update...

I figured some of you may be on the lookout for an update, so this is for you. Sorry I haven't done this sooner, but it's taking us a while to figure out our schedule.

First, I should say that the docs concluded Jackman does NOT have Hirschsprung's Disease. That was a big relief for us, because it would have definitely been another surgery.

Also, they have run all sorts of tests on just about everything anyone could think of. Everything has come back all clear except for an issue with his bladder, but they don't seem very concerned about that right now.

He had a little operation a few days ago to put in a g-tube (feeding tube). He finally got some real food in his little belly late last night. Ever since he was born, he has been nourished with an IV. The poor little guy has been hungry for a whole week. The docs and nurses couldn't do anything about it; they had to make sure his digestion was working right before they gave him food. He handled being hungry better than I would, but he does fuss, and he does come by it honest. Anyway, it is such a relief to know he's getting something in his stomach.

And last but not least, the tests show that Jackman has Isolated Esophageal Atresia. If you click the link, you'll see that it is pretty rare, and the type he has is even more so. That's a little scary, but the docs and nurses at Children's know all about this condition. They told me that they see a lot of it, especially here lately. As a matter of fact, Jackman's pretty little baby-neighbor has TEF (different from what Jackman has), and they fixed her up. We are fortunate to live so close to Children's; I see a lot of out-of-state tags in the parking deck.

Well, basically what that means is this; Jackman has a long road to hoe. The course of action to attach the ends of his esophagus will involve several surgeries. First, he has to gain weight; back up to and above his birth weight. Next, they will perform a series of surgeries where they will draw the ends of his esophagus together by basically using stitches to pull them together over time (by the way, I'm not an MD). They will do this as many times as it takes to get them close enough to attach.

We have no idea how many surgeries this will be, how many months it will take, or when the process will even start. The docs and nurses are careful not to give us any misinformation (which may be no information for the time being), and we are grateful for that. We are pretty sure at this point we are looking at months instead of weeks.

The good thing is that we may be able to bring Jackman home with us in between surgeries. We aren't totally sure about this, but we're hopeful. If that happens, they will spend time "training" us. We would basically have to do what the nurses do. Another patient's mother told us that they would put us in a room with Jackman at the hospital, and they would teach us to do everything, day in and day out, that they do, and they will be there just in case. We would have to learn baby CPR, how to feed him through the g-tube, and how to manage the suction tube that goes into his mouth and down his throat. Sounds a little overwhelming, but at least it makes changing diapers sound like breeze.

Last, but not least; I've heard the term "birth defect" used a few times regarding Jackman's situation. Me and Lisa aren't going to get mad at anyone who says, or thinks that, but I feel like that is a very short-sighted view of things. There is a verse I know well from reading it on the wall every time we went to see the baby doc for a checkup. It's Jeremiah 1:5, and it reads "Before i formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you". If that's true, how could what Jackman has even be considered a defect? Wouldn't that be saying God messed up? Well I know that just ain't the case. And I also know God allowed this for a reason. He's got something planned, and we are privileged to be a part of it.

It may sound crazy to some, but I wouldn't trade our present condition for anything "normal". We have seen God do too many amazing things over the past few years to start doubting Him now. He's going to make us better parents, and Jackman a better man on the other side of this. All we have to do is be still and know that He is God.