Thursday, August 12, 2010
This time a year ago, my world seemed to be spinning out of control. My mother was in one hospital, my wife in another, and my newborn son was in a helicopter on the way to Children's. I was riding with my brother and father to go find out what was happening, and trying to figure it all out.
Jackman was a week and a day late. We went and visited my mother in the hospital before we went and checked ourselves in. It was a long night for Lisa. The next morning when we knew it was getting close, I posted his initials on facebook and got almost 200 guesses at his name. I was thrilled and excited.
He was born at 11:29am. We each got to hold him for just a couple minutes. Then the nurses noticed he was kind of choking and not breathing well. They tried a few things, and then told us they needed to take him to another room. Before I knew it, I had doctors telling me they needed to send him to Children's right away. I was by myself with my son, who I barely knew, and all my family was with Lisa wondering what was going on.
I cannot describe how afraid I was in those first few hours of his life. We were all supposed to be together, receiving guests loaded down with junkfood, squealing at the sight of the new baby boy... but that never happened. What was supposed to be the best day of our lives all the sudden wasn't looking so good.
A year ago today, I never imagined us here. Then we didn't know what would happen the next day. I honestly didn't know whether or not Jackman was going to live until I got to Children's that night. After going back and looking through the blog post of the first few weeks, I realize today is a special day.
As I was re-reading some of the old posts, I remembered how weak and helpless we both felt to do anything. I remember how I would cry during the day when I was by myself so that I wouldn't do it in front of Lisa that evening. I remember struggling to drive to Birmingham twice a day for months. I remember being physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted... Yet people would say they were amazed at how strong we were!?
It might surprise you to know this past year has been the weakest we've ever been.
The strength people see is God's. It is not Him giving us a dose of power like some kind of booster shot, but His Spirit literally carrying us along, especially when we were at our breaking point. What people don't understand is that we are still the same weak and worn out parents we were from the first hour... the difference is we've come to depend on God more. There are times when we temporarily forget what He's done for us, but He reminds us.
Today is one of those days for us.
Well, the boy is 1 year old. He had a happy day today. God's been good to this little family, and we know He always will be. He's proven Himself in impossible situations in the past. He's blessed us with the things we need. We know we can depend on Him in the tough times that will inevitably come. We've got it made.