Resting in God

Many of you probably already know that Jackman was born yesterday, August 12. I'm not going to use the cliche that it was the happiest moment of my life, but I'm not going to waste my time or yours trying to think up a better one either.

Not long after he was born, it was clear he was having some problems, and before we knew it, he was being escorted by helicopter to Children's Hospital. We didn't know what to think, but we were scared. We found out that his esophagus doesn't reach his stomach, and he will be having surgery, sooner or later. The docs believe the problem is esophageal atresia.

I could go on and on about how pitiful our situation is, but instead I'll tell you about a little light God shined on us this morning.

First, we have too many things to be grateful for to list before I get to what I want to share, but know that we are realizing them, and we are thankful.

For this to make sense, you need some background info, so here are some facts: Jackman was born on August 12; today is August 13; I read the devotional for the 12th from "My Utmost for His Highest" today (a day late). It would also be beneficial to read it for yourself right now. Here is a link: My Utmost for His Highest, August 12.

After reading that this morning, I though to myself "how appropriate is that, I just wish I had read this before we found out about Jackman's problem". But it really spoke to me, and I took it to heart.

Well, we got a few more "surprises" today. I had totally written off the probability that we could encounter any other health issues, but there are some new concerns. When they did the surgery to put in Jackman's feeding tube, they found a small hole in his intestine. They removed his little appendix and fixed the hole, but they had to figure out why he had the hole. It turns out that they suspect that he may also have some problems that will require surgery on his intestines as well.

I almost dropped to my knees, and I don't know how I kept from crying when the surgeon told me that. It seems like too much to drop on someone who has barely been a father for a day. I immediately began to wonder how I was going to explain this to Lisa. I knew it would floor her. Not only does he have this problem with his esophagus (which may keep him in NICU for weeks, even months), but now this too. What else? Do I even want to know?

But something happened while the surgeon explained it. I felt peace. There's no other way to put it really; peace came over me. I should have fell to my knees, I should have cried. People would understand if I shook my fist at God and demanded, WHY?! But that didn't happen, just peace. Just enough to help me stand up under the weight of the latest briefing.

If you read that devotional, you will remember Chambers said: "it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him." I knew the reason that I wasn't broken was because God has proved Himself too many times in the past for me not to have confidence in Him.

God has taught me so much the past day and a half, and brought me so much closer to Him, and has given me so much strength, and has stripped away so much of my pride and selfishness. Not only that, He gave me and Lisa a little boy that I wouldn't trade for another kid, or anything else in this world.

We still cry...all day long. It's been tough for us, and really hard on Lisa being completely separated from Jackman. But don't get me wrong; we are not cursing God and shaking our fists at Him. On the contrary, we are resting in Him. He's the reason we can sleep. He's the reason we can laugh when we're not crying. He's the reason we don't despair. He's the reason I'm praising Him right now instead of loosing sleep, wondering "why me, why us". Of course, we are dying to get to see and hold our baby; we know it's ok to long to be with him. The important thing is that we have peace.

The only thing that holds us up, the only thing that dries up our tears, and the only thing that has sustained us since we were separated from Jackman, is confidence in God's sovereignty.

I can't wait for yall to meet our son, Jackman, when this is all over.

The End of an Era.....

Well, it's official...almost. The highly anticipated birth of our son will mark the end of and era. It's been a fun era too, the Me (or longer version - Me and Lisa) Era. All this past week I've been doing normal little everyday, in an out, routine things and thinking to myself..."this is the last time I will do this again before I'm a daddy". It's still a really strange thought to me. I shaved this morning for the last time as a non-father (I'm a once-a-weeker), I took the garbage out for the last time...without diapers in it, I ate at Zapopan for the last time without planning it around a baby's schedule, I cut my hair for the last time......well, that's been a while ago. But I think you follow me. It's starting to get real, and it's about to get really real.

Of course, I am looking forward to the new era; me and Lisa both are. I couldn't truthfully say I am excited about the diaper changing, and all the sleep all my friends are telling me I won't be getting, but I know there's a lot more to it than that. We are really looking forward to seeing Baby Boy Harper, and honestly believing he's the cutest baby ever born. We are looking forward to figuring it all out. The truth is, I am actually looking forward to seeing what kind of man God is going to make me into, and how he'll use me to make my boy His own. Yeah, I would have to say I'm excited.

Now I'm looking forward to a few weeks of saying to myself, "this is the first time I ever_______________."

Just a few more days...

Well, it won't be long now. The closer it gets, the more I realize how little experience I have with babies (except for when I was one, but I don't remember anything that might be useful).

Anyway, that's me (the baby) and my Pop. There's almost a 100% chance the boy will be born with black hair and brown eyes. As a matter of fact, if I could find a bookie to take that bet we would all be set for life, but then again, who knows?

Me and Lisa are getting anxious. I guess she's more miserable than anxious, but anxious just the same. I realize a lot of people can't tell I'm excited. I confess I'm not running around giggling like a school girl, but I'm excited on the inside. I guess part of me is sad to see the "Era of Me" come to a close. I realize that everything is going to change in an instant. I know that it will be better, but it's kinda like standing on the high dive, you can't possibly know what the jump is really like till you jump, and in those last moments your heart is beating out of your chest. That's where I am.

I'm really looking forward to seeing Baby Boy Harper, and telling everyone his name. I've kinda been thinking I want a picture of me and him like this one of me and my Pop. I'm sure I'll be tired enough to be convincing. I know Lisa will be.

I am planning on Twittering what's going on come baby-time. You can read the updates on the right side as they happen, or on my Facebook profile. Stay tuned, Lil Harp will be here before you know it.

Baby Boy Harper

Me and Lisa have talked about starting a blog for a while. My brother and his wife (Jeff and Leslie) started one before their son (Max) was born. They do a really nice job keeping it up, and the whole family is able to see what they are up to. We decided to copy them.

This sonogram picture was taken March 5th this year. That's the day we found out we were having a boy. Today makes two months since we found out he is a boy, and about three months till he gets here.

We've been having a lot of fun thinking up names. Pretty much what happens is I think them up, and Lisa says no. Right now it's pretty close between Mugsy and Geronimo. If you have any suggestions, let us know.